The Friends We Keep: He Says

Yesterday I shared my thoughts on opposite-sex friendships within marriage in my article, “The Friends We Keep: She Says” over at For the Family. Today, it’s Ted’s turn to share his thoughts on the topic. Here’s what he had to say.

It’s not you, it’s me. Sure, I’m fine hanging out in a group setting, but I frankly just need a bit more space in our relationship, a bit more distance, maybe no one-on-one time. OK, the truth is, I’m just not that into you.

Back when I was single, those may have been fighting words. Now? Now that I’m married? When I say those words to other women, they’re words of endearment. Oh, not for you, dear female reader. For my wife.

Nope, I don’t say those things to my wife Ashleigh (whose similarly-titled, more-graciously-and-differently-written article appeared in these virtual pages just yesterday). And, um, the truth is that I don’t actually say them to other women. But I do think them.

See, I am just not that into other women. I’m into my wife. And one way that I protect my relationship with my woman is to be careful not to become too close to other women.

Ultimately, I figure if I never get onto the intimacy onramp with another woman, I’ll never find myself in a sexually compromising situation. But that’s not really my biggest concern. My more immediate concern is that I save my “emotional connections” for my wife. If I’m going to let my guard down and share vulnerabilities, it’s going to be with my wife Ashleigh. Those deep things of the heart are too precious to share with women from work, from church, or from the grocery store.

And if for some reason I’m unable to share them with Ashleigh, then I may share them with one of my guy friends. Yeah, I’m not an egalitarian. I have this notion that men and women are inherently different, and that my connections with guys are different from my connections with women. There are things I can divulge to my guy friends that I just won’t share with my female friends.

Read the rest of Ted’s thoughts over at For the Family in his article, “The Friends We Keep: He Says”.