4 Essential Areas to Be Open & Honest in Marriage
My husband Ted and I agreed from our relational beginnings that we wanted to have an open marriage.
How did we come to this decision? And so quickly, at that?
The truth is, it was a fairly easy one to make; albeit not necessarily an easy one to practice over the years. After all, like all things worth having, an open marriage comes with a price. Yep, while it brings a definite freedom to our relationship, it isn’t as easy as it sounds.
Before I go any further, I should clarify.
Our definition of “open marriage” isn’t the culturally understood one. It’s not the marriage of approved extramarital sex, bed sharing, or threesomes. Nope, you won’t find us swinging. That’s not our style.
Ted and I are as monogamous as it gets. While neither of us came to the altar with unkissed lips, we decided not to share a mutual kiss until our pastor pronounced us “husband and wife.” And, while some would gasp, or perhaps even shake their heads, at our lack of a sexual test-run prior to matrimony, we have no regrets. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada.
So if our open marriage isn’t the thing tabloids are made of, just what kind of open marriage do we have?
That would be open as in transparent. Honest. Vulnerable. Back in those relational beginnings of ours, we’d been told that open communication is one of the keys to a healthy, successful marriage. We decided to give it a go, and turns out it’s true. Almost thirteen years later we can testify to it.
But as I said, it isn’t always easy to practice. Open and honest communication comes with a price. And that price? Well, it’s risky work. Lots of it.
It means care with our words and a continual effort to be truthful and honest. It means talking about our feelings, both the good and bad, and yes, sometimes even the ugly. It means no secrets – at least, not the relationship-wounding kind. And it means choosing to look at each other, even in our worst moments, and determine that flaws, brokenness, and all, this story that we’re writing together is worth writing. Together.
What are some of the areas in which we work hard to have an open marriage? Here are four specific places.
For us, there are no “his” and “hers” finances. When it comes to money, Ted and I are on the same team and the same page. Money Saving Mom’s Crystal Paine says these two things are vital to a healthy financial relationship.